Dear My Sexy Little Emailers,
Have you heard the news? It’s Tuesday evening. I’ve just had a hot bath and curled my ass up under a blanket. My (rose gold) laptop is resting gently on my upper thighs, should I put on some classical music? Life is so much more romantic in writing. In reality, I’m quarantining at a hotel in Toronto for #work and have not left this room in (say it with me) EIGHT ! DAYS ! I’m considering this experience a chance to connect with the divine (aka start The Artist’s Way for the fourth time, eat peanut butter from the jar, rewatch old eps of Friday Night Lights & masturbate to terrible prose on literotica . com !) and assume that when I emerge in SIX ! DAYS ! I will have accepted myself fully, detached from external validation and found god in the details <3 hhaahhaahah I have to pee one sec
ok I’m back from My Sexy Little Pee. guess how many baths I took today? Nope, more than that ! The most interesting thing about me is that I have yet to open one of the six novels I brought but I HAVE found myself opening my chrome browser over and over again thinking “where do people get information besides twitter?” until I pass out. I’m actually in kind of a good mood right now which is obviously insane to say……..I’ve been doing yoga and haven’t had a drink in three days which is literally good for me (SAD!!!) It’s funny….sort of…in college I used to only ever drink on weekends…then somewhere along in the line in new york city of all places….alternating between nightly improv shows in wet basements & birthday gatherings on hotel rooftops, drinking every night became normal if not expected ! but as I age (gracefully) into my LATE 20s…I realize how depressed / anxious alcohol makes me :-) are we still having fun ???
beep beep boop I want to go watch TV but WAIT I’m so lonely will you PLEASE join me tomorrow (wednesday) night for My Sexy Little Zoom-Based Comedy Show? I wouldn’t normally impose (JK) but the lineup is to die for and I have to say my hotel room is incredibly chic…also, a portion of proceeds will go to Brooklyn Center Mutual Aid GoFundMe. <3 TIX HERE
now for a few poems I wrote today…having spent the last few days alone i have in some silly little way forgotten quite how to be….let’s see how these go !!!
Poem I Wrote While Being A Size 14
can I order pasta without feeling political?
can I call you back in a second?
I’ve been in the same hotel room
for seven days & just remembered it’s April
which it just was, wasn’t it?
remember? watching Normal People & getting horny
walking the icy loop & using the broiler
you couldn’t pay me to make my bed every day
I can hardly get out of it
hang on I’ve just downloaded TikTok
a 22 yr old motivational speaker has moved me to tears
a Justin Bieber song plays on repeat
when does my Saturn Return end
Curtain Poem
someone on twitter just said I look like
an ugly version of my friend
they don’t make it easy
they make noodles
made of of zucchini, squash
I wish I were in cahoots about something
I wish I were in the woolworth bathroom
masturbating rather than finishing the essay
I never understood how to write a history paper
how could it be longer than one line
that’s what happened, it happened like that
I’ve always loved things that are overHotel Quarantine
three tampons a day
& two tablespoons of hummus
time runs out like a hot bath
every time I stand up
I make such a mess
and in honor of National Poetry Month, I’ll sign off with one of my favorite poems ever by Donald Hall :
SOS !!!!!!
Thanks for reading sweeties. As always, this newsletter is free, but if you subscribe, 100% of proceeds go towards The Loveland Foundation, which helps fund therapy for Black women and girls.
All My Luv,
Catherine <3