hello to the sweetest angels that ever walked the earth. it’s monday morning (before 2pm) and I’m with my family in the state called Utah. We drove here from Texas for what critics and fans alike are calling a “Family Vacation.” I’m a little princess who is grateful to be in the mountains, I love my family dearly, and find it beautiful that our goddess up in heaven above gave us all the innate ability to be cruelest to those we love the most! slay!
ANYWAYS, tomorrow is My Birthday and against all odds, I’ll be turning 29. if u want to get me a present pls consider buying a ticket to my livestream show on Wednesday, August 12th at 8pm! I’ll sing my slutty little songs, read some poems, and chat with my gorgeous guests, which include some of my favorite comedians: Meg Stalter, Sydnee Washington, Blair Socci, Chris Murphy & music from Palehound !!!
tickets are pay-what-you-can and after paying performers & our perfect producer Lauren Mandel, all funds will be donated to The Marsha P. Johnson Institute, which protects and defends the rights of Black transgender people <3
I hope to see you there! what if I was like hope to “see” you there! haha! we laugh.
……………………………………………& now for a few Monday Poems……………………………………………
poem I wrote after I found out someone I slept with had a Pandemic Wedding
I’m on a strict diet of deli cuts, xanax,
wine, murder shows that help me fall asleep.
I have a boyfriend & an apartment,
a prescription for prozac, gabapentin,
norethindrone & a bad attitude, baby!
I can’t play board games because they don’t matter
I can’t do a puzzle, all the pieces look the same
I just mean they look more like each other
than they do, say, an apple—
ok I think I just did philosophy???
every book is about time
& how it isn’t always big enough
to fix things. I hope everyone on all these websites
finds what they’re looking for
people don’t like women
people don’t like waiting
I understand, it’s hell, the not knowing—
when thunder sounds in the distance
I get so excited to have something
to look forward topoem I wrote after I tried to write a tweet about sparkling water
I’ve got a disease where I haven’t watched
an entire feature film since the aughts
do you like how I said “aughts?”
you don’t see that every day!
I’ve never been to a sex party
but one time I made fun of this girl
for bringing deviled eggs to an event
& then ate six of them.
humiliation, satisfaction, a long walk home in spring.
I love sex and I love before it—
the double vodka soda leg touch
is it possible to miss everything at once?poem I wrote after I took a photo of myself in a bikini in my parent’s backyard with a self-timer alone like an adult
I don’t want to turn 29
but it’s better than the alternative
I’m tall for my age
& love buying diet coke
years ago I dated this guy in a blue sweater
who was horny to get down on one knee
but I needed to fuck someone
in the bathroom of a divebar in bushwick
that I later referred to as “finger ass guy”
I’m very interested in victorian literature
& why my left breast is so much bigger than my right
whenever someone has a vase or something in their home
I’m always like where did you get that?
did you wake up one morning
& walk to the open air market?
did the cerulean catch your eye?
did you pay in cash?
errands are so glamorous when I am not doing them
but I’m so in love with the grocery store
with asking you to grab the balsamic vinegar
with watching you eat the stem of the strawberry
like a party trick and we’re the only ones invited
we’ve gone full cartoon-mode
wearing the same outfit every day
for the rest of our lives
waking up & having coffee
complaining & getting over it
you’re surprised when I tell you I pray
but I like the idea of wanting something
all the way into space
if u enjoyed this or even if you didn’t (sad!) consider becoming a paying subscriber as 100% of proceeds go to The Loveland Foundation, an organization that funds therapy
sessions for Black women and girls. More info here: https://thelovelandfoundation.org/
p.s. these photos were taken 25 hours apart! dare u to tell me Walt Whitman’s the only one who contains multitudes…
All My Love,
Catherine <3
the deviled eggs 😭