wow they said it couldn’t be done…My Sexy Little Email on a Tuesday night?! I’m late to write this because….it was cold? I don’t know. I’m figuring out my doses of prozac/wellbutrin/burth conTROLLS world tour/ kit kat bars & my brain is mush <3
I’m writing to you all from my boyfriend’s (brag) apartment. he has roommates so it’s very cover myself with a towel while cum drips out of me on the way to the bathroom ! BiG dOrM EnERGY!!! I just did 12 (sp?) minutes of yoga and then sat down in my underwear to compose this email to you. I hope you all know how much joy you bring me by reading this. I am getting sooo randomly lonely lately but also have NO desire to answer my phone or SEE people unless I am On the Famous Drug Alcohol. C’est La vie! Before I try to write some poems today I MUST get a little bit business bitch towards you…
as I’ve mentioned, my beautiful book famously comes out in february (valentines vibes!!!) BUT if you want to GIFT it to your friends, family or even…yourself (go OFF quen!) this holiday season, now is the perfect time to procure your Sexy Little Holiday Receipt
that’s right…this season…give the gift…of me! pre-order my book here, email your proof of purchase & the recipient/giftee’s email address to Knopf— aaknopf@randomhouse.com by 12/20 at 11:59pm and receive a special SEXY LITTLE HOLIDAY RECEIPT complete with a cute video of yours truly wishing u the happiest of holidays <3
ok back to me !
I had such a busy day today as I had to be in two different places that were not my apartment. first, I recorded the AUDIOBOOK for GOD I FEEL MODERN TONIGHT while wearing mini uggs (just as the good Lorde intended)
and then I had to go to the gynecologist because my body is a wonderland (I have PCOS, herpes, and a pussy that just won’t QUIT) me horny <3 anyways today the doctor seemed SO rushed with me UGH when the doctor is rushed its like…do u even care about me at all? I waited six months to see you and THIS is the thanks I get??? she sent me home with a BROCHURE like I was about to join a fucking gym (RIP Equinox) and sent me packing, but not before scraping out a lil part of my uterus for science. Pap Smear…someone was hungry when they invented that term! I love bagels with butter. I am laughing. okaaaay is this good this week?? I feel psycho because all I do now is watch 90 day fiancé and eat hard boiled eggs. Therefore, dear reader I am coming to you with TWO important questions:
should I get this?
so I can get slammed by this?
what stupid and glamorous thing do I need for xmas? pls comment with links I’m not a mind reader !!!!!!! I’m talking things like this :
now for a bit of poetry before I sleep <3
LAZY POEM #1
I just got a notification
saying I’ve been facebook friends
with my late grandfather for six years
I want to make so much art & memories
I want to wear a dress so big I have to use a special door
is everyone having more fun than me
or is that just the internet talking?LAZY POEM #2
graph paper in a notebook is so chic
look at me girl scientist making a chart
about how many times I did yoga this year (four)
all I want to do is listen
to that purple mountains song
as I finish a run
see I’m low maintenance
see I’m easy if you like me
I like youLAZY POEM #3
if it’s so rare then why did my gynecologist
tell me 4 times in 20 minutes
that your IUD can go all the way up
into your stomach requiring
emergency laparoscopic surgery
at least it’s more effective than the pill!!!!!!!!
I wail as my eyes roll so far back into my head
they fall into my mouth I try to remember
what my lazy therapist said
food is not meant to be a comfort
food is not meant to be a comfort
what does everyone else do at night?
Stay Safe & Cozy I love you I will do this on time next week I THINK
XOXO Catherine
p.s. I thought it would be fun if I started sharing what song I’m listening to on REPEAT each week. today it’s this one:
Thanks for reading MSLE <3 As always, My Sexy Little Email is free, but 100% of subscriptions go to The Loveland Foundation, which helps fund therapy for Black women and girls.
Big fan of iud here. I have a 7yr old mirena I'm about to get swapped out in a few months for a new one.
(feels very sponsored but is not) I think you'd really enjoy this little corset number and other stuff from the site, just aligns with frivolous but like sexy fun and you could buy it in a holiday-esque color to justify
https://dyspnea.com.au/products/ta-ta-bodice-pinot-noir