hello to my sexy little email-ers !!! oh how I’ve missed you. last time I sent out this newsletter I was 28 years old…now I’m 29…oh earth you’re too wonderful for anybody to realize you vibes!!! as you all know, I’m famously on vacation in Utah with my family because I’m a martyr and last week I tumbled my ass off an ATV (guy’s girl much???) and almost left our earth. 20 minutes later? I complained that my arms were fat. perspective? I don’t know her!
anyways, I’m feeling grateful to experience (Adam Driver’s Cover Of) Being Alive & feel lucky to connect with everyone who reads this slutty, tiny publication. Hope you are all healthy and happy and surrounded by love. Without further ado, here are your Monday Poems <3
poem I wrote after I went to a zoom wedding in a bathrobe
I tumbled down a cliff & almost died
& still care about the internet
I lost control of the bike & crawled out of a shrub
& would love to lose at least 16lbs
one time this guy made fun of me for liking the holy trinity
(iced coffee, the west village, $400 jumpsuits made by women named Rachel)
and he still got to have sex with one of my perfect friends
is it romantic to suffer from narcissism?poem I wrote after I decided it would be so nourishing to hit 100K on insta
on my birthday the roof of my apartment
caved in right above my bed where I sleep
& dream about school plays, sex
with strangers & people I know too well,
lava, unspeakable injury.
I just got a crick in my neck
from giving what scientists &
recipients alike are calling
the “world’s laziest blowjob”
after making the all-american choice
to take zzzquil at 7am
it’s not my fault
8am is the middle of the night
I’m exhausted from missing
so much all the time
what’s a girl to do in this economy?
what’s the point? (of life, I mean)
is there at least someone
who can pee for me?poem I wrote after I masturbated while you were asleep
hell is other people
being mad at you
& I’m such a sexy piece of shit
I always wondered who didn’t like me &
thanks to online I get to find out
again & again
it would be so glamorous
to keep a single solitary thought to myself
but I’d rather write every last
worst thing I’ve ever done on a stone
& skip it til it sinks
I’ve been having the raw, deeply human urge
to complain in a pool & think that coffee
is bad if it doesn’t immediately give me diarrhea
it’s mortifying to be part of the conversationpoem I wrote after I tried to play the sport “golf”
this guy I met at a tiki bar on purpose
told me he can wakeboard without even holding a rope
I asked if he knew how to surf
and he said he really wants to go to California
he said he thinks he could do it if he could get to California
I hope all the sad men online can get laid &
leave me and my beautiful friends alonepoem I wrote after I asked if guys can have bangs
I’m good at everything except soccer
I even caught a fish once
so early in the morning
that I was in a bad mood for two days
after the fact. I think toast
is the most amazing food
and you’re the only guy I know
who looks good the same day he gets a haircut.
you got me piano lessons for my birthday
but I slept through all of them
I just kept having the most marvelous dreams
if u enjoyed this or even if you didn’t (sad!) consider becoming a paying subscriber as 100% of proceeds go to The Loveland Foundation, an organization that funds therapy
sessions for Black women and girls. <3
P.S. here is my birthday bedroom ceiling situation…saturn return vibes!!!
Stay safe out there !!!
All My Love,
Catherine
"this guy I met at a tiki bar *on purpose*" 😭😂
the way that "(adam driver's cover of) being alive" spoke to me??? anyways anyone who says that line to me officially has my heart now oops