oooo sweetie i have been away from my computer all week because my heart has been cracked open and my life has been changed!!!!!! It all started when I decided to foster a pup through an amazing organization called waldo’s rescue pen & met the most thoughtful, stunning girl named Britney— a 3 month old lab mix who was kissed by god herself as she tumbled on down from heaven! I know I’m not ready to adopt a dog because I travel too much 4 work (just bc I’m clinically addicted to the dominos app doesn’t mean I don’t lead a Glamorous Life hunny!!!) and because sweet Britney is going to get too big for my apartment (which has been scientifically deemed “COZY” in real estate terms) SO I became a foster <3 raising a puppy is SO MUCH WORK that i forgot my own name, so if you’re thinking about getting a pup I highly recommend fostering first to get a lil taste of it— it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done!! I only got to spend a week and a half with Brit, but I will be forever grateful for her and her tiny blonde eyelashes :)
while i have ur attention i have to tell u one of the best things about britney is that she doesn’t know about social media at all! she doesn’t have insta OR twitter and doesn’t know about deadline.com. she doesn’t know how much I weigh and doesn’t know that I paid $175 for therapy last week and didn’t even go because I wanted to sleep instead. she doesn’t know who is famous or drunk or hot right now. she doesn’t even know that she’s the most popular girl in the west village and if she knew, she would be so chill about it literally. she doesn’t know that I wrote a book— she saw the cover but didn’t even ask about it?? she doesn’t care that my belly button smells almost all the time (it’s rlllly innie) and I feel like she likes my hair both straight and curly equally. I ordered taco bell twice in one week and she literally said nothing…queen much?
britney doesn’t know that I was a wretched whore for most of 2014 and 2015 and she definitely doesn’t care that I had multiple typos in my senior thesis oh and also in my book. have i mentioned my book enough? o do u think I’m annoying? jealousy is a disease bitch and I suffer from it too!!!! XOXO britney doesn’t care if I’m anxious about the same impossibly boring thing all day (my soft body) and she doesn’t know that in the 9th grade I sprained my ankle while hopping a fence to try and swim in my friend’s pool while she was out of town and my mom had to break down part of the fence and drag me out on a pool float and everyone saw and she also lets me watch whatever I want on TV ( lately it’s Halston on Netflix- I love it so much)
britney doesn’t care where she pees or poops or when (mood) she just loves and loves and hugs up on u and I had to tell you about britney just so u know that even when humans fail u (& they can & they will— just ask the guy who publicly bullied me online & then liked my tweet about my sex podcast!) but animals (especially when they have perfect names inspired by iconic pop stars) will be there for u……….sorry this is getting cheesy and i AM crying thinking about how I taught britney how to walk up the stairs in six days but……i know it was the right decision not to adopt right now. one day ill have more space and won’t I get more mature as I age? or is that a myth? anyways, until then I’ll probably foster again and adopt when the time and my living sitch is right. until then, thank u brit i luv u !!!
for more info on fostering/ adopting check out Waldos Rescue
<3 <3 <3
ok enough pics— now back to complaining about material concerns!!!!!!!!!!! more content next week about the usual things….tequila, prescription medication, binge eating, sex liquids, malaise & chaos in equal parts, chipotle. u get it XO
in the meantime, check out my latest column for W MAG and SUPPORT my podcast SEEK TREATMENT on PATREON by becoming a PATRON of the arts…you’ll get access to 2 extra bonus episodes per month and more <3 $$$
see ya next week sweetie
XOXO catherine
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i would fucking die for britney