it's my birthday month

is it that obvious?

good morning (it’s 4) to my sexy little emailers!!!! I was trying to be so cute towards you by writing outside at a café in Bushwick but someone is blasting screamo metal music? so loud that I cannot have a single thought for a moment at all. metal music? honey give me SILK music, give me VELVET music. I do not want my MUSIC (one of the only good things we have) to sound like METAL (unless it’s gold…….ok this has really got me thinking..mind = blown, what is this 4/20 ?I’m joking I can’t do weed and honestly it is OVER anyways)

me doing music in my fave up and coming designer called ASOS

I am very specific about the expensive things I care about – real gold or jewels……I feel nothing…take me to the costume jewelry express and I will choo choo all aboard become the captainista. look how cute I look in this little hat! click click show me ur ticket. I also don’t care about skincare (honey its called Cetaphil). that being said I famously have good skin which is my PRIV !!! but don’t worry there are so many things wrong w my body (specifically my Brain that gives me visual migraines which doctors literally are like……..idk my bff jill about) moving on…obviously I adore expensive clothes but I only rly SPLURGE for outerwear and BOOTS because you wear them so much of the time! tho sometimes if im in a bad mood and have already binge-ate my ass to hell (pad thai FTW)….the void can occasionally be filled by going to Zimmerman on Hudson, becoming BFF with the ppl who work there, getting a $368 sheer blouse that I will wear one solitary time, photograph, and then….maybe return…it? is that bad to do? or is that okay…………..i don’t know about law (could learn though if I read a book) also I do wish they made bigger sizes at Zimmerman (we, as a community, remember in 2016 when I got drunk and emailed Reformation asking them to make bigger sizes and they emailed me back saying their founder was curvy??? El O El) anyways to their credit they do have some plus size options now which is chic. ok I have to shit and also get on the train to meet someone for a meeting over bagels- you HAVE to love it. yesterday I ate egg salad and it was soooo good im sorry <3 <3 back soon for more of this solid gold ! (full circle to the metal music comment, how does she do it?!)

~~~I’m back I forgot to say I did go to a wedding this past weekend which was sooo romantic and i just love love ultimately and also TINY FOODS passed on trays (grilled cheese with fig??? adopt me! ) when I got back from the wedding I was hungover to absolute hell and watched making the cut which is an amazon TV show where they try and make us care about Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn’s inside jokes… for the record I like both of them but don’t think they should be pretending they have a podcast on their fashion TV show if that makes sense? anyways the show is fun but extremely chaotic…a bit like this newsletter…

BY THE WAY I’m going OFF THE GRID thursday-sunday to attend a (drumroll please) women’s retreat in Montana !!!!!! god rly is in the details. I truly can’t wait and will probably have reached nirvana upon my return…until then…stay sexy, stay little, stay email…here’s a few poems I wrote today when I promised myself I would stop PROCRASTINATING and just DO because that is the only way to discover……writing is literally just….realizing (cue the Kylie video) LOVE Y’ALL

august poem #1
it’s unseasonably cold & someone across the street
has terrible taste in music fuck
whole people with their inner worlds & secrets walk
their dogs, boys in converse sneakers ask their friends
if they should tuck in their shirts or just leave it out
what is the deal with belts? how do you get in a boat?
my boyfriend drinks regular coke, full sugar
the lake ripples at the resort
I love wine, just not the taste of it

august poem #2
at the wedding I tell a woman I love
her one thousand dollar dress
I’m almost 30 & feel nothing except
everyone says I really need to start using a retinol or
what? or what I say
I can’t believe things still need to be in such big trucks
to get there— aren’t we just all beaming through space
at this point? particles, too. I do have so much I wanted—
an apartment, a credit card even, friends to have lunch
with during the day. I’m not feeling much these days
beyond disbelief at our shared sickness
which we joke about in bars. at the wedding
I have eight drinks & tell someone’s aunt this is the year
I’ll freeze my eggs. I hate yogurt with berries & granola
I don’t care about it at all!!! everything should be savory
I miss my irish setter, I uber home from the show
it’s SO important to develop a practice
will I ever look like Kate Hudson in the yellow dress
she wears in the movie with Matthew McConaughey? no
and in some ways that is a relief
there is some relief in that
I need to close my tab

august poem #3
you say we’re all always coping like
that’s the whole thing. “seems like a flawed premise,”
I Jim Halpert to camera (for the big laughs)
I did not want to learn whatever it is I am learning
I did not want to kill time in FiDi
thank god I have a VPN to watch Love Island on ITV (hub vibes)
mosquitos, acid reflux— these are the constants,
the scaffolding of my life
when someone can hang something on the wall
that is so beautiful

WEDDING VIBES with my besties <3 i do ultimately love love!!!!!!!!!

That’s all for now ! by the way, if you have not, make sure to check out the advice column I do for W Magazine :)

Thanks for reading!! As always, this newsletter is free, but if you subscribe, 100% of proceeds go towards The Loveland Foundation, which helps fund therapy for Black women and girls.