I just googled “newsletter” to try and find this website so I could start writing this week’s ICONIC issue of My Sexy Little Email. I doooo need to share that I just took half of an adderall that is at this point hmm at LEAST three american years old (aw she’s ready for pre-school!!!) at first I was like okay this isn’t working and now I’m like okay…this is definitely working. I took one to work on about hmm four other projects that aren’t this but this newsletter is where my HEART LIES so here I am.
I just got out of the tub. it’s tuesday. I’m 29. how wonderful is that? I started blow drying my hair but got bored halfway thru and so now my hair is half wet half dry (I contain multitudes vibes) and my NOSE and FEET are always cold… am I dying? trick question (we all are) el o el
earlier today I felt something close to euphoria—Bri and I were driving back to the city after a few days upstate and I sat in the passenger seat. we listened to a podcast about history and I got cold. I put my big coat on me like a blanket and looked out at the bare trees and snow and road and felt oh my god this is just such a little blip! you HAVE to laugh. life is literally a blip and here I am freaking out because my terrible jeans don’t fit. they aren’t terrible. I’m just bitter because I think the brand that gifted them to me unfollowed me on instagram and for some reason in the year 2021 that is information that AFFECTS the core of my being HA HA.
(I have to google if its effects or affects…stars they are truly just like us)
I’m glad none of my high school daydreams involved getting followed or retweeted on social media. it is comic ! and tragic ! that I’m an almost-30-year-old woman with a blog but maybe that is just what the doctor ordered for my one fab mary oliver vibes life. I’ve got beans on the stove and a lot to do before bed (miles to go before I sleep vibes) VIBES is over but I can’t stop using it in life or on the page. I know I’m being manic right now but it's a nice change of pace…
I need to make a venn diagram of my brain before and after the pandemic. something about hitting one year of this SO CALLED LIFE (shoutout to that programme -british spelling) is deeply affecting my body, blood and bones. yesterday on march 1st I got a shooting pain from my shoulder that spread to my chest to my neck to my boob??? the tension is palpable…I’m going to dunk my ass in some icy hot (smells SO BAD !!!!!!) and hope for the best. it hurts to be so sensitive…….
i do need to make clear
that despite all of this ? i am happy <3 I love trees/snow/sun/ broth/ sex/ cooking/running/stretching/reading/brian/coffee in the morning/big big water bottles/fuzzy guitar/ice cubes/clink clink in glass/lemon juice/bedtime/candles/other people & where they grew up & who they love & hate & who they have sex with & how they like to do it & how it hurts when they don’t get to do what they want & how they get over that & how they go to the diner & order just coffee in the morning & sometimes eggs
i love all that stuff
ok here are some poems I wrote in the car
i love you ultimately
wait also——— listen to my podcast !! new ep today <3
would u look at that it’s POEM O’ CLOCK
XOXO
Microsoft Word Poem
welcome bitch!
it’s tuesday & cold
I just ordered beef jerky on amazon
& can’t think of a single thing I believe in
not that you asked. last year
I was on stage in los angeles
which is a tiny thing to cling to
I’m drawing a hot bath
& watching alison roman make beans
on youtube I love her
oh god from where I’m sitting in the tub
I see a puked-up dried piece
of spinach leaf on the lip
of the toilet bowl. how unreal!
ordering food just to puke it up
I’m not disturbed I’m just alive right now
On God
hahaha I took an old adderall
my ex-boyfriend gave me
when I moved out
I believe in my own pleasure
does that make me religious?
just when I think I’m at peace
it’s time to pay rent
The Trend Report
everything dull is sharp again
and that’s just what’s in for spring
that’s the update from where
I’m upstate flat on an air mattress
it takes so long to caramelize an onion
or get a psychiatrist on the phone
somewhere someone is complaining
that it’s boring to wait in line
to get the vaccine
it’s freezing in my apartment
but if I touch the stove
that would be so hot
Couch Poem
you win some you snooze some
days are longer than others
upstate I pour vodka into a cup
and tell you I feel 4000 years old
oh my god I was thinking the same thing
is that what I’m like?
no you’re not like that
that’s what I love about you
let’s just have snacks for dinner
I get so freaked out when I cook chicken
I don’t think I’m the first person to feel this way
how do you know when it’s done?
Thanks for reading. As always, My Sexy Little Email is free, but 100% of subscriptions go to The Loveland Foundation, which helps fund therapy for Black women and girls.