we’re all thinking it…I forgot to do this yesterday!!! actually that’s not true— I didn’t forget, I was actually just busy letting out a 4-year-long exhale after finding out that Joe Biden is going to be our next president!!! thank FUCK! blue is such a perfect color and I love seeing it all over the TV. Praise goddess up in heaven above. Who invented green goddess dressing by the way? I always think it’s going to taste so good but then I don’t really love it that much. Make sense? Either way, I hope you are all basking in the good news and taking a second to enjoy a moment of PEACE. we deserve it. here’s an image of me calling all my friends to celebrate the good news:
in other news, this week I’m very excited that we will be back at Club Cumming doing our sexy lil show on Wednesday at 8PM EST!!! It’s me at the club without an audience connecting with you via online and it looks a little something like this…
Taylor Swift but make it chubby jewish comedian much? we j’adore and I would love to see you there. CLICK HERE FOR TIX
Here’s a few poems before I go. I LOVE YOU! see ya next week <3
Poem I Wrote After My Dentist Said I Look like a Swimmer
I love when spoons are so small
and don’t want to be anyone else
yesterday I got on the train
in the wrong direction
and didn’t even feel furious
these are the Biden years!
Very Romantic Poem
this expensive healer upstate
told me to put my nipple
in sparkling water I
am serious I am
not sleeping great
and think love means
sending as many texts
in a row as you want
hold my face when you kiss me
let me have the last la croix
Breakfast Poem
everyone will let you down
in the most exciting ways
you don’t even have to try
it will happen RT
if you believe in anything
I’m still so sad
that orange juice
is bad for you
Poem I Wrote After I Looked at Instagram and Felt Worse Actually
I wish I liked drugs more
and booze less
calling it booze
like a cartoon uncle
we love to see it
I’m feeling like a loser
in perfect weather
why are lines for rollercoasters so long?
Poem Written By a Beautiful Woman
not sure what to do with my days
can someone drop a pin or something?
I went to my chic dermatologist
and she froze a wart off my knee
she said you can get them at the gym
and I was like but I don’t go there
and she was like oh ok then I don’t know
November Poem Served Warm
wait life is so fucking great
even if people do want to make
noodles out of zucchini
I can run down the street
and feel better
I can make soup
and give it to my friends
I broke my leg in the second grade
and now it works just fine
Tiny Happy Poem
I’m in a good mood
for the first time in four years
and still have therapy at two
what is life but endless wanting?
wait I meant waiting
wait I don’t know anything
so that’s a relief
As always, My Sexy Little Email is free, but 100% of subscriptions go to The Loveland Foundation, which helps fund therapy for Black women and girls.
Ugh I love your emails <3