welcome to My Sexy Little Email, the erotic newsletter that sometimes arrives on monday and sometimes…on tuesday. quick Q for my community: is me sleeping 14 hours last night incredibly powerful or a sign I am entering into a deep depression? do sound off in the comments! ok good morning I didn’t do this yesterday because I was overcome with an exhaustion that only a 2-week vacation in one of those floating cabins on the ocean could cure. I’ve never been to a nice beach actually. cue gasps from the crowd! because 1. the beach is ultimately tacky no matter how pristine 2. i went to cabo once in high school and had an allergic reaction to a mango daquiri and broke out in hives and ended up puking on/near my friend’s mom. 3. why would I go to a beach when I could go to a lake— lake = nothing can bite me. me = fragile <3
quick aside: one of my healers (jill) says classical music connects us to the divine so I am going to slap some on via Spotify brb. ok now the classical music is BUMPING, which by the way is a playlist my friend julia made in 2013 called “classical for studying.” I miss studying…I love being told what to do — ok anyone else just get horny???
ugh I feel so tired even though I slept so much (moms love to be like “maybe you slept TOO much”) so now I’m knocking back some of George Clooney’s Nespresso pods and hoping for the best. I got suuuch a cute haircut yesterday which is sad because I obviously have nowhere to be— Very tree falls in the woods vibes. this is a) a journal entry b) manic but I NEED to tell y’all I just started watching 90 day Fiancé and my brain is coming out of my ears. amazing program. my boyf (brag) doesn’t like to watch it because he says it is “mean in general” but I can’t help myself… “they say I did something bad, then why’s it feel so good???” - Taylor Swift, “I Did Something Bad”
I think the real reason I am so tired is that I went on a #bender last week. I had a few (TESTED friends from MY POD!!! I scream into the void) over for Friendsgiving and made a whole ass turkey. we got (say it with me) drunk from hmm….2pm-2am and that kind of colored the rest of the weekend. Cut to me having fish and chips and a frozen painkiller at 11am in bushwick. wait ALSO !!! I made stuffing from a bag and it was the Best Food I Ever Taste. basically the point of this (immaculately constructed essay) is that I had one of those weekends where you have nothing to do so you kind of just bounce around from meal to drink to meal wondering “what do people do in between meals?” and before you know it you’re having chips and guacamole for the third time in one day. does anyone connect with this? okay…I love y’all really and also I love when it rains (it rained yesterday) I got a little xmas tree…she is trying her best, just like me <3
ok well now time for a few poems <3 also if u miss me feel free to check out this cute interview I did in BUST this week: https://bust.com/arts/197824-catherine-cohen-comedian-interview.html
: POEMS :
Seasonal Depression Poem
apparently it’s december
which is rude, aggressive, true
people become parents all the time
because they don’t want to think
only their own thoughts til death
can you believe my friend is
dating a guy who says
he doesn’t like soup?
Help
I’m not feeling very creative today
and can’t believe no one in movies
is wearing masks yet I’m like
wait don’t hug her! in florida
we had to tape paper towels
to the sliding glass doors
because I kept walking into them
and hitting my head I kept
thinking they were open
Airplane Poem
I went and saw all the tall doors in Europe
well I’ve never been to Germany
or any of the fjord ones
Scandinavia but I used to watch
youtube videos about hygge
while you flossed your teeth
why is it so hard to do the same thing every day?
The Rules
if someone doesn’t like me
they never will unless I’m overly nice
to them at a party where they don’t know anyone
in Santiago I sent you a picture of my tits
and you were like can you send me one of your ass actually
we broke up shortly thereafter
when I eat a donut I’m cosplaying as someone
who works in an office fuck
I would love somewhere to be
Thanks for reading MSLE <3 As always, My Sexy Little Email is free, but 100% of subscriptions go to The Loveland Foundation, which helps fund therapy for Black women and girls.
Love her (your tree) and also your perfectly slinky velvet dress. You are a joy!