HAPPY THANKSGIVING sometimes something happens and all of a sudden, you’re listening to an original Broadway cast recording of a musical on the train. The cause of this phenomenon is unknown—could be the slope of the weather, how it snaps like a fever breaking close to dawn or maybe I’m just hungover. I had a glass of wine last night. I’m 31!
Anyways hi it’s me I’m the problem it is me me me ! I’ve fumbled, I’ve failed my Sexy Little Emailers—time passed (as it is wont to do) and I have not written since June! Last night I dreamt about a man whose mood changed the weather. Sure! Forgive me. I’m here now to tell you how grateful I am for you, your support, literature, the feeling I get when I listen to this song, etc.
Lately I don’t know how to function if not in crisis mode. I’ve been in LA. I only take care of myself when I’ve ravaged my body within an inch of its life. I do not feel good or bad (the scariest way to feel) I am not happy and not sad even at all. I drive around in my car and none of the slow songs make me cry. The windows are rolled up and the seat heater is on. Tomorrow I will take my pills and clean. There is quinoa on the counter. “I’m from New York so nothing really interests me etc.”
Life is gooey. I wore fake eyelashes at the gym. Am I not myself if I’m not falling in love? My brother saw a movie and said it was bad. I think I’m going to book a flight home. I think I’m going to go to Houston for 24 hours. I will wear a leather jacket on the plane. In the meantime, here’s a poem for every month I missed. I love you even if you don’t love yourself or me!
JUNE
I’m sorry the face my dog makes
when he watches me cry is
making me laugh so much he’s like
honey what could it possibly be?
you eat $60 worth of takeout every day
and are almost always in the bathtub
the men you love will leave you
everyone will leave you
you’ve known that from the beginning
and you act like it’s news
JULY
I’m being pure and taking pictures
out the window on the plane.
forgive me I’m emotional on planes and off
planes. I’m no better than a dog really
in fact, I’m worse: I am not always careful
with your heart and can’t seem to learn my lesson
when it comes to attention
lately everyone’s so open and obvious,
good looking in the most traditional sense
I am the first woman to not know what she wants
AUGUST
on my birthday, at the end of feelings
we walked deep into the park
and I thought long and hard about how
suddenly I could love you
I’d buy you those roses that last a whole year
and tell you just how much they cost
come sit with me on the city steps
there’s a big chunk of night left
and I’m being difficult before I die
SEPTEMBER
I watched you jerk off in Santorini
while I ate chocolate cereal naked and wet
Peace on Earth and Goodwill Towards Me
back in London we saw Laura from season four
of Love Island at first I thought it was Olivia
from season three but I was wrong
God is love by the way
OCTOBER
I last wrote in June three things happened:
I’m certain I had covid despite the negative tests
I grew unbearably horny in unforeseen ways
and realized the new songs are better than the old songs
when they ask you to fasten your seatbelt
on the plane it’s like…who is this for?
NOVEMBER
It was autumn in New York and
I’d been feeling just beside my life
I grew obsessed with a brand of corn nuts
called LOVE, CORN and to borrow a phrase,
“it’s corn” I don’t know who my friends are haha
I ordered dominos and it tasted bad
years ago, I was fingered on thanksgiving
kind of an odd vibe
whatever
soon I will be devastated again
In other news...
COME SEE ME LIVE!
if you live in LA, NYC or across the UK you can see my new show COME FOR ME very soon :)
LA SHOW - DECEMBER 4th at 6PM
NYC SHOW - JANUARY 10th at 9PM
UK TOUR - FEBRUARY 2023
ALL TICKET INFO AVAILABLE HERE
Thank you so much for reading! Since the beginning, 100% of the proceeds from My Sexy Little Email have gone to the Loveland Foundation and we’ve raised just over $31,000.00 since 2020.
I simply adore writing my Sexy Little Emails, but since being pulled away by other projects, I haven’t had time to write as regularly as I’d like to!!! It doesn’t seem fair to take your money in exchange for *crickets* nothing, so I’ll be pausing all subscriptions in December. I’ll still write My Sexy Little Email when I have time, I’ll just do it for free! And if you’d like to continue donating to The Loveland Foundation you can do so here.
Thank you so much for your continued support. Chat soon Xo.
Hi your poetry makes me feel sane ! Thank you !
"everyone will leave you / you’ve known that from the beginning / and you act like it’s news"
Fuck me uuuup, that's good.