there’s only one way to say this— I’m sipping ice cold vodka in the newark airport while profusely sweating through a crop top. what series of events led to this? honey if I knew, I’d tell you! I’m randomly on my way out of town For Work THANK GOD and am emotionally preparing to quarantine alone for 2 full canadian weeks in a hotel room. the good news is I think I broke up with my therapist yesterday.
mathematically, every time I speak to her I feel worse than before I spoke to her=no thank you? does this make sense or am I a bad medical patient? I am so evil in the way I speak to myself, but I’ve only been doing it for 29 years so that shouldn’t be hard to fix !
the past few weeks I have been as uncreative and as offline as possible…I even took the apps off my phone…every few days I start sobbing uncontrollably at the magnitude of loss everyone is feeling right now in unrelated news I also had my period for the first time in a year—shoutout to my PCOS gurls!! sidenote: if anyone has found something that helps with PCOS pls let me know <3
at thanksgiving, in reference to the pandemic, my dearest friend said “we don’t even know yet how this is affecting our brains” and I think about that every day…now that we are nearing the getting through it—how to process? I think I have just begun to grieve. by the way, the way everyone treats each other online makes me sick <3 but thankfully the My Sexy Little Email community is full of light and love and laugh. adore y’all…I think I’ll send a few extra newsletters this week if that’s okay with u, making up for lost time vibes <3
poems ? sure !
Cold Food Poem
I text with amy
neither of us can do the dishes
I go to acupuncture
a woman named klara
looks at my tongue
when she grabs for my pulse
I half-expect her to say
oh well, you’re dead
she doesn’t, I’m not
I have sugar free snacks
arriving from amazon
I have sex & a song stuck in my head
the one that goes come on come on come on
come on do you know that one? come on
come on come on come on
Decade Poem
I can’t believe I’m wearing a tank top
at the airport everything has changed
if my jeans don’t fit I don’t think my shoes should fit either
remember when I played belle & sebastian & you went down on me?
you told me you always make the same wish
stars, birthdays, 11:11
you’re about to be a dad
nothing shocks me anymore
if I got botox would I tell anyone?
Poem I Wrote After Looking Out The Window
well I’m done feeling bad
it doesn’t interest me anymore
cue the instrumental music
throw the oysters on ice
everyone who wants a kiss will get one
and not the other way around
this is my favorite kind of weather
you look at me lovely
blocking the sun~Lastly, in honor of National Poetry Month, here are a few poems that have saved my life ! I’ll share more as the month goes on <3~
Each From Different Heights by Stephen Dunn
Mayakovsky by Frank O’Hara
The Good Life by Tracy K. Smith
Snow By Louis MacNiece
ALSO my friend Sonia Feldman has a gorgeous poetry newsletter— she interviewed me for it and you can read that here
ALSO…buy my book vibes?
Thanks for reading ! As always, this newsletter is free, but if you subscribe, 100% of proceeds go towards The Loveland Foundation, which helps fund therapy for Black women and girls.
XOXO
Catherine
looove the good life, would love more poet or poem recs, these are so fab! these newsletters always give me a few minutes of joy. lastly, why does every poem use the word "diminished"